I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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