i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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