The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
