if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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