I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
