Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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