Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
