Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
