Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
