Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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