I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
