pedialite and red bull = repair kit
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
