but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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