four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
