Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
