i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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