Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
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