I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
