well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
