Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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