Can Purell be used as lube?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
