i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
