where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
