he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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