You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
