So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
