im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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