You're my little dorito
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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