clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
