physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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