You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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