..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
