and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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