I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
