The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
