how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
