Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
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