i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
