all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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