Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
