I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
smell my finger.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
