can u get pink eye on your cock?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
