Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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