So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
