I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
