it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
