i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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