Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
