As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
