i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
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To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
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I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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