The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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