Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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