As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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