just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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