i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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