I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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