When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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