Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
