You're my little dorito
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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