she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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