Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize