Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
My ATM looks so different sober.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
