Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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