Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
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