I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
