apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
