I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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