Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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