Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
