im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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