I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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