dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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