she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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