my soul wont recognize me after tonight
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
