the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
