Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
