bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
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