how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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