You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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