Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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