i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
