scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
