Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
