You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
